Health Visitor questions my ability to parent because I’m in a wheelchair

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Over the past few months my children’s mother has been telling me about two health visitors questioning my ability to parent as I’m in a wheelchair. This week it hit a level I cannot stand by and ignore. They suggested to her that I take them separately instead of together.
It’s the 21st century the last time I checked, not the 18th. I say this is as we should be past making assumptions about people because they have a disability.
This is exactly what two health visitors in my area have been doing because I’m in a wheelchair.
This would be fine if they’d actually met me in person but they haven’t.
Assumptions
Around June time my children’s mother Nicola first alerted me to comments made by a senior health visitor. They had questioned my ability to look after my two boys. Their main reasoning was because I’m in a wheelchair. They also asked several questions about my health as they didn’t actually know what was the matter with me.
At first I had no issue with this as I thought if they’re questioning it, they would no doubt visit me and see that it’s clearly no the case. I put it out of my mind.
It was then raised with their mother again a few weeks later in a meeting. Our son has autism so frequently there are meetings to see what assistance can be given to support him better.

Minutes from meeting including comments on my ability
The supposed “health professional” was assuming that I would be unable to contain my children within my own home and would ask her questions about how I cope. Nicola then explained that she drops them off every Friday and has seen what I have in place and has no worries at all when I have them.
Despite this the health visitor said that she was concerned about me having them. When I heard this I was annoyed to say the least as at no point had anyone contacted me. Instead, she saw fit to make a pretty broad assumption to a room full of people.
Questioning my awareness
While having a disability does bring challenges to parenting it also brings its unique solutions. For example being in a wheelchair actually means it’s easier to carry your children as you can sit them on your lap.
Also in a time when more and more things are designed with disabled people in mind, it’s really no different from being an able-bodied parent. It’s mostly common sense.
I wouldn’t take my children if I thought I was risking them so for this to be said not only questions my ability to parent but also to keep them safe.
I’m not an idiot and know fine well if I am too ill I cannot take them. Does that make me sad? Of course it does but I’m not stupid enough to risk their well-being.
New Health Visitor, same questions
Last week Nicola told me how a new health visitor had questioned my abilities again. They wanted to know how I stopped them running out of the house or how I can control my eldest when he’s upset.
Like before their mother advised of measures I have in place. I have catches high up to stop my eldest escaping, just like she does I might add. Just because I’m in a wheelchair doesn’t mean I move at a snail’s pace either. I was really getting annoyed at this point and was considering looking into it more.
However I didn’t have time as this week something was said that pushed me over the edge.
We need to talk about CMV – Me, My Boy & CMV
Take them separately

My sons Ashton and Alex
At another meeting at my eldest’s nursery the new health visitor, who still has not met me, made a comment that annoyed their mother and myself.
“Maybe he could take the boys alternate weekends?”
I wasn’t there but Nicola tells me she immediately spoke up against this. She correctly pointed out that it would be unfair on the boy’s to separate them every weekend. Plus why should I have too?
As my eldest is at nursery during the week, my boys main time together is at the weekend This so-called “professional on children” is suggesting that they are split up for every single one.
It is also important to note that the health visitor stated that they would not visit me as I “live too far away.”
So lets see the facts of everything here.
- They’ve never met me
- They’ve never been to my home
- They’ve never contacted me
- They don’t actually know about my health bar from hear-say
- They don’t plan to visit my home to check
Next steps
I do not intend to let this lie. It’s unacceptable for a registered professional to make assumptions with absolutely no evidence. If the real reason was safe guarding my children they’d have visited me. This is why my question is; why haven’t they?
I mean they are saying that I am unsafe yet aren’t actually doing anything apart from spouting their mouths off to other people.
Health and Social care is integrated in my area with NHS Highland and the Highland Council working together on it. I will therefore have to actually check who is responsible for health visitors before I act.
My main reason for complaining is that they are singling me out because I’m in a wheelchair with no evidence. If they are doing it to me are they doing it to others?
I will let you know how it all goes and of any progress.
Alex Tiffin
Universal Credit Sufferer on Facebook
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Watch out for your BPD diagnosis.
I was told when my child was born that someone with my background would be unable to parent and it took a lot for me to be able to prove them wrong.
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My ex-wife was in a wheelchair and bought up 3 children. She always wanted children because she was told she would never be able to have them. We had more social workers around than anything but they were told bluntly by me after the 3rd was about 6 months old, after 2 of them were heard saying surely she is unfit to be a mother and we should take the children into care, they mentioned her by name so there was no arguing as to who they meant, to never even try to enter the home again, as well as a load of other words that I shouldn’t repeat on here.
I would say don’t let them win if you get problems with them just address a letter or email to the boss about disability discrimination and the possibility of you taking out a prosecution for discrimination.
As for assumptions I only have one thing to say about that and it is Assumptions are the mother of all fuck ups!
I would contact your MP to see if they know who is in charge and definitely make it disability discrimination and unfair on the children.
I have done a quick search and I think that you might contact the NMC with complaints as https://ihv.org.uk/families/what-is-a-hv/ says they are Nurses/midwives who have additional training in community public health nursing.
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This might help –
https://www.highland.gov.uk/info/1361/childcare_and_family_care/520/health_visitor_services
“Health visitors are registered nurses or midwives who have undertaken further training enabling them to work to promote the health of children and families.”
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There are two “Ms Laidlaw” in the Highlands who are NMC registered –
https://www.nmc.org.uk/registration/search-the-register
one a bog standard nurse…
The other with additional qualifications is –
Susan Laidlaw
Registered Specialist Comm Public Health Nurse – HV 03/11/2010
Registered Nurse – Adult 04/09/2006
Recorded qualifications
Community Practitioner Nurse Prescriber 03/11/2010
https://www.nmc.org.uk/standards/code/
“The Code presents the professional standards that nurses and midwives must uphold in order to be registered to practise in the UK.”
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So what is Highland Council doing about all the s**t you’re getting from the DWP?
https://www.highland.gov.uk/downloads/file/6118/adult_support_and_protection_inter_agency_procedures
file:///C:/Users/user/Downloads/Adult_Support_and_Protection_Inter_Agency_Procedures.pdf
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Highland_(council_area)#Politics
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Always Record Everything.
hi there, thank you for sharing such a nice post. really appreciate it. hope to see more posts like these from you soon. thanks.